Living For The Day

So I have begun my quest of finding a way to live for today. I have searched for myself and my memory for a long time. My husband seems to believe that my loss of memory of significant past events is because I have too much going on in my mind, from the past and the future, so I am missing out on today. It got me thinking that I never live for the moment. I never feel what is there. I miss out on such important times in my life; blocking out all the good moments and the bad, trying to protect myself from what is there... or isn't.

The pain from my past never leaves me, but the memory of it all has come and passed. Like a dying garden, forgotten, my memories disappear. I struggle to remember what was there, but nothing. Occasionally a flash will surprise me with overwhelming feeling and I cry. It's always when I'd least expect it. I don't what to feel like this, my own mind uncontrollable by myself, undeniable feelings denied. Recent memories in distant thoughts, forgotten. I run, never to find.

So I end it, I stop running, that's the only way I can survive. There is no where to run to but here. So I live for what I have, not for what I have had or for what I want, at least that's the plan.

Here's to the beginning of a new life, written in a blog, tracking my success through remembrance. To a day brighter than the last, creating a brighter future within today. Here's to living for the day.