Today is off to a good start...

So, I could blog today about the fact that I was awoken at 8a by the dumpster company on the one morning I could sleep in, or the fact that when I started writing my blog this morning, I finished it then accidentally erased it. I could allow my day to start off rough, which the adversary clearly is trying to accomplish, BUT he won't. Because it is a beautiful day out today, the sun is shining and the air is warm, I am certain I will have a great day. It is perfect for letting the boys play in the backyard, while Karl and I get some work done around the house. Now, usually, I would comment on the fact that I can't wait for it to be done or what a relief it will be when it is finished, but instead I am going to focus on how invigorating it will be to do some work around the house and spend some needed time with my husband! See, this is me trying to be positive. =)

On a bright note, after all the hustle of answering the phone, finding the key and moving the cars, Karl kissed me good morning as he always does. He kisses me in the morning and before I go to bed each night. This is special to me, because it starts and ends my day just right.

So, I guess, Today is off to a good start...

Living For The Day

So I have begun my quest of finding a way to live for today. I have searched for myself and my memory for a long time. My husband seems to believe that my loss of memory of significant past events is because I have too much going on in my mind, from the past and the future, so I am missing out on today. It got me thinking that I never live for the moment. I never feel what is there. I miss out on such important times in my life; blocking out all the good moments and the bad, trying to protect myself from what is there... or isn't.

The pain from my past never leaves me, but the memory of it all has come and passed. Like a dying garden, forgotten, my memories disappear. I struggle to remember what was there, but nothing. Occasionally a flash will surprise me with overwhelming feeling and I cry. It's always when I'd least expect it. I don't what to feel like this, my own mind uncontrollable by myself, undeniable feelings denied. Recent memories in distant thoughts, forgotten. I run, never to find.

So I end it, I stop running, that's the only way I can survive. There is no where to run to but here. So I live for what I have, not for what I have had or for what I want, at least that's the plan.

Here's to the beginning of a new life, written in a blog, tracking my success through remembrance. To a day brighter than the last, creating a brighter future within today. Here's to living for the day.